Get ready for a new batch of celebrity perfumes and colognes in 2011!

CELEBRITY: Donald Trump

TITLE: Firéëd (For Her)

SCENT: Musk, burnt orphans, a diamond shaped like a ruby, burnt eyelashes, crème, Obama’s Kenyan birth certificate, some slaves

 ***

CELEBRITY: Guy Fieri

TITLE: Sweatin’ From My Crannies (For Her)

SCENT:  Right moob sweat, upper thigh sweat, pot pies, Aorta sweat, Gogurt (turned), cornea sweat, cargo shorts, a Cheerio found in a stomach roll, bugs

 ***

CELEBRITY: Moammar Gadhafi

TITLE: Dirt

SCENT: Dirt

 ***

CELEBRITY: Charlie Sheen

TITLE: Awa;r8tghfjajdf; (For Her)

SCENT: Skin, lube (turned), medicine, fear, a cardboard number “3,” Pizza Bagels, God

 ***

CELEBRITY: Paula Deen

TITLE: MMMMBUTTERPUTSOMEBUTTERINMYGULLET

SCENT: BUTTER AND SOME SUGAR-FLAVORED BUTTERRRRRRRRR UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 ***

CELEBRITY: Bradley Cooper

TITLE: The Eyes Of A Serial Killer (Seriously) (For Her)

SCENT: Lime, tarp, beards, Type O Negative blood, screams, seriously someone please do a background check on Bradley Cooper I think he might have a record of killing some moms

 ***

CELEBRITY: Glenn Beck

TITLE: I Wish I Could Legally Hurt A Minority In The Mouth (or: Chanel No. 666)

SCENT: America, poopoo, values, stalwart values, doodoo

 ***

CELEBRITY: Amanda Seyfried

TITLE: My Eyes Look Kinda Like There’s Something Wrong With My Body Right? Even Though I’m Pretty I Guess? (For Her)

SCENT: Maybe it’s like a Thyroid thing?, apples, yeah pretty sure it is my mom’s a doctor and she thinks so!, pears

 ***

CELEBRITY: Jon-Benet Ramsey

TITLE: Sexy Toddler

SCENT: A forbidden wink from a baby, a sexual blown-kiss at a Gymboree, lipstick on a premie

***

CELEBRITY: Kobe Bryant

TITLE: Faggot (For Him)

SCENT: A wonderful, floral-scented, beautifully-dressed, exotic faggot.