Do you have cancer? Find out with this fun, flirty quiz!!

1.     It’s the middle of class and your crush looks over to see you:

a.     Texting him!

b.     Paying attention to the teacher. Come on – it’s class!

c.      Picking at a large new mole that has recently developed on your forearm!

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2.     When you’re out with your friends, you are:

a.     Gossiping about the cute new boy in 4^th period bio!

b.     Sharing negative cancer test results over some Frappuccinos (pumpkin fraps, come on – it’s fall, sluts)!

c.      Bleeding from your tumors, you total slut! (Bleeding from tumors = getting to “second-base”!!)

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3.     If you could change one part of your body, it would be:

a.     Your abs and/or abdominals!

b.     Your c-section scar you post-natal slut!

c.      The lumps you recently found in your left breast a.k.a. “Thelma” ;) (Finding a lump in your breast = getting to “first-base”!!)

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4.     You and your guy are curling up on a snowy night. What do you do?

a.     Kiss a little, nothing further – you’re a good girl you’re no slut ;)!

b.     Go all the way – you’re a naughty girl and some would say the “slut” of the night school/Hebrew School :p!

c.      Die!

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5.     The pop song that most describes you is:

a.     “Pumped Up Kicks” (like ANYONE can resist that great song!! Anyone who says they don’t like that song is a total slut, sexually)

b.     “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” (honestly, one of the best songs by one of the best bands EVER, The Beatles! Ever heard of ‘em? ;) They don’t need to sing about sluts to be so sexy/slutty!)

c.      “My Humps” (referring to the humps/lovely lady lumps in your breasts)

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6.     If you met a cancer doctor, you’d say:

a.     “Hey, you’re a sexy doctor! Wanna listen to Foster the People and touch my Jew-nips?”

b.     “Hey, I’m a good girl but that doesn’t mean I’m above being a slut, wanna touch my Jew-nips to the sounds of Foster the People, this generation’s The Beatles?”

c.      “I have cancer, gllrrrrrrrrrssh” [the sound of blood gurgling out of your femur marrow]

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7.     When it comes to sports, you:

a.     Are a sports-slut!

b.     Are a sports-slut but for sex (so just a plain ol’ slut)!

c.      Are dead from dying from overdosing on cancer!

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8.     If your life was an MTV show, it would be called:

a.     “MTV’s Slut-Ass Bitch-Ass Slut”!

b.     “Teen-Mom’s MTV Jew-Nips”!

c.      “Sixteen and Cancerous”!

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MOSTLY A’S:

You go girl – you don’t have cancer! You are also the quintessential flirt, you slut! ;) Also, try wearing “winter” colors like blue, purple, or green. Also, you are a vampire. Also, you are a slut. Also, you’re the movie “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part II.” Also, you’re an iPad II. Also, you’re a farmhand you slut.

MOSTLY B’S:

No cancer, but probably you are a slut! But the good kind! You’re a slutty bagel. You’re the kind of girl who wears mascara on both lashes which is fairly slutty but fool-proof to make boys want to give you the Hoobastank. You’re the kind of a girl another girl would see and be like “girls are idiots” but really she’s an idiot girl too because all girls are idiots and sluts. If you have a crush, you should try texting him a flirty message like “Hello! I am a slut!” Also, you’re a Zune you slut.

MOSTLY C’S:

You have cancer! You big-jugged slut! You have cancer!